


Secret At the Back Of My Skull

by jenish (phizzle)



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, The Academy Is...
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-25
Updated: 2006-06-25
Packaged: 2017-10-08 02:18:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/71670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phizzle/pseuds/jenish





	Secret At the Back Of My Skull

He's there, every day. The kid with the argyle socks turned into a rock star, and Pete looks at him and can see Patrick The Dorky Kid and Patrick The Rock Star both flickering in and out with Patrick The ShapeTouchSenseColourSmellCurl.

Familiarity breeds new layers of knowing. Pete can call Patrick up at four in the morning and know just what to say or even just how to breathe to get him to know what he's thinking. Maybe he doesn't even need to say a word, doesn't need to breathe, maybe Patrick knows already.

The sensation of being in Patrick's life is an interesting one. Pete doesn't think about it much (though when he does, he really does) but it sometimes hits him in a split second of perfect vision: time and momentum of life times by experience and hours and days and weeks and months and years spent in each other's presence. It all adds up to a dizzying certainty that he is real and Patrick is real and their friendship is real.

His attraction to Patrick is the subject of public record and private discussion. A quiet look in his eyes, Patrick has hugged him and not said a word and that, for them, constitutes a discussion. At least, it does in some cases. This is one of them.

He kissed Patrick once. Just once, just to see what it would be like. Just because he asked and Patrick said alright. They haven't talked about it since.

~

He thinks of her in possessive terms, though he tries not to and catches himself on the way out and thinking of her as his girlfriend and is she isn't she is she isn't she why does it matter anyway? It's just a word, right? (No.)

It's fruitless, and she tells him so, and he _knows_ it so her saying it only makes him want to punch something. He doesn't, he just sits in her lap and she laughs and they're back to what they always come to. He's incapable of a simple two-letter word when it comes to her. It's always _Yes, yes, yes_ and _Fuck you, you fucking bitch_ and _Yes, yes, yes_. Sharp syllables, angular, never one round declarative cut-off point line he knows he'll never cross. Maybe she doesn't want him to cross it. It's not always him who calls first.

~

Mikey tastes of sweat and guitar strings and for a month, two months, one glorious weekend of midnight kisses in the sweet air, Pete is happy. Mikey wraps his arms around him and Pete closes his eyes and inhales and it's good.

And then there's sex in the bus and Pete watches Mikey sleep and kisses his hair and doesn't think about anything.

There comes the day when Pete wakes up alone with the scent of Mikey all around him and the ghost of a kiss on his temple. There are some phone calls, Pete screams a few times, and Patrick quietly tones up his vocal on stage during Pete's bits so he won't seem so out of place so loud so frustrated so wanting.

Gerard calls and all he says is "My brother is such an asshole," and Pete wants to say that really, he didn't have to say that, but for once he keeps his mouth shut and just laughs. Hollow.

Mikey calls a few weeks later and when Pete sees him, he smells different and maybe Pete's okay again.

~

The first time Pete sees William naked, it's mostly because there aren't enough towels nor showers to go around. Pete's on his way in, William on his way out, and Pete's eyes travel up down all over and he smiles.

William smiles back.

Two days later, and pressed up against the wall of the bus, Pete gets his hands in William's pants and William rocks into them, small noises in his throat as Pete laps his tongue and nips his teeth against the skin just under William's ear. They fuck every night for three weeks on end, always short, always abrupt, always teeth scraping and sensation and saliva and sweat and heat.

It's not that it ends, it's just that they stop having sex. Not that there's any reason for that, either, other than an intangible shift after William sees him curled up asleep around Patrick – Patrick smiles at him, and William says nothing, but turns and nods and leaves. He tells Patrick later that they'd had this aura about them, of Do Not Disturb, Important Physical Contact Going On.

~

Patrick tells himself that whatever William saw, or read into it, it was all coming from Pete. That really, he can stop thinking about the kiss any time he liked. That he was going to call his girlfriend and she'd make it go away, not that there _was_ any 'it'. That Pete and William hadn't stopped having sex because of him.

He knows when Pete's had sex, always knows with the certainty of the particles in the air around him and how they're charged. Pete has this electricity about him when he's gotten laid, and Patrick notices it. Because that is what best friends do, become aware of each other's movements and quirks and facial expressions until you don't really need to speak, you just do it because you like to. That's how he and Pete are.

That's why he's aware that Pete hasn't had sex for a month and really, that is pretty unusual for him. Patrick would like to talk to him about it, but he knows not to broach the subject.

He taps the side of his phone, not enough to register, just enough to think and not think. _Tap tap tap._ Pete's number. _Pete, I._ Tap.

He catches himself staring into space, shakes his head, and calls his girlfriend.


End file.
